.i'm here.

Yes yes. I hear you.

Have been away much since i left the hamster wheel. Life as a street rat has been good. Going around to places after being desk-bounded for some time. So much fun that i've even gotten lazy to rave about it. Not even a single facebook album just yet. Not like I don't enjoy flaunting like everyone else does, and I should still enjoy sharing any experience i stumble upon, and be eager to shout to the world that i've conquered something and pretend that anyone or someone would care. Things like i've tasted a mutated siamese tomato and that i managed to hiked to up the tiniest hill in Jeju islands (korea) where i can bust the myth of my granny knock knees.

Iceland, Sweden, Denmark, London, Thailand, Korea. Where i've put my feet on past 3 months since the day i threw my letter. It's kinda liberating. And still not getting enough out of this resting phase yet. I don't know. My mind wanders in proliferation that i myself find it hard but perhaps should anchor it down for a bit.

As much as so many things keeping me happy, wanting more of it means i'm less happy the time before each time. And each new experience has safely bewildered me while it washes down the past experience somewhat. Like i am forever seeking something bigger, better, and more magnificent the next. And if it doesn't, i get frustrated or disappointed, if not worse, numbed to feel the gratification of owning that moment, while others would trade for the place i'm in. Whatever happens to contentment? Am i losing sight, control and grip of it? Oh well, that's just the safety-mechanism of my conscious talking. Screw that. I want more.

I wonder - The more connected i feel with the world, the more disconnected i feel at the same time. Like, i feel less. Just nothing but a small piece of lego in the work of a whatever built and stacked robot, house, or warship. I just move around as the plans come along. As I always say : Attach, detach, never belong.

Meanwhile -

Here's a trailer of queer-master Spike Jonze's new half hour short film. I'm here.

A collaboration with Absolute Vodka to explore humanity with a robot (yea i know. But let's give Jonze the allowance to surprise). I'm waiting for the release to see how much i can relate to it. Hah.

Btw, nicely tucked website they have. Do take a a minute for that.

.Dual Sheep.

Well i don't usually take on a check on star signs readings or anymore.

Just kinda 'stumbled' upon it. N think this is slightly interesting.


"You function essentially with your own antennas, for you feel things more than you understand them. In fact, you're almost always right in trusting your intuition, which is really extraordinary.

You've a great thirst for tenderness. But you let yourself be influenced too easily when your sentiments are at play. Thus you're more often disappointed than satisfied. In order to console yourself, you tend to take refuge in your own universe where everything is idealized. It will be in your interest not to let yourself be trapped by your weakness, especially when one appeals to your goodness or your pity. Indeed, you're generally ready to give everything without complaining.

Your life is often marked with very painful ordeals and responsibilities which are too heavy for your shoulders. Showing a tendency to masochism, you like to arouse the compassion and admiration of others. With age, you forge for yourself a philosophy colored with stoicism.

In the domain of work, your intuitions are a precious asset. But your lack of initiative can prevent you from reaching the highest peaks. In fact, you prefer being able to help others to having success for yourself.

With you, friendship often takes precedence over love, precisely because you're afraid to suffer from the agonies of passion. Above all, you need to be supported and encouraged within the framework of marriage."

.i am wind.

Finally. I'm going to share what I did last summer in NYC Parsons.

My mini 8mins of pride, filming and producing a short documentary on a totally foreign and unexpected topic - Long boarding.

From pre-pro, looking for interviewees, shooting, final cut, music-editing.. all in one week. It sure was intense, but the fun making it was paying off after every passing minute as well. Me and my partner Manual Branaa, had some invincible chemistry and synergy, that had made this little production possible without us tearing each other's faces apart by the end of it. Almost. But not.

Here's the manifesto:



It's not an award-winning documentary for sure, but what's more important - i had fun, and it makes my heart smile reminiscing the making of. ;)

.Patterns.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN : My soundscape design proj// Parsons Summer - NYC.

(If you have trouble listening to it/ error in the link, i'll repost it soon.)

THE IDEA

Most things come in shapes, forms and sizes.

Life does.

When grouped, the singular subject forms a pattern. We form a set of behavior, we form a way of living and we form our school of thoughts. We had grown up the way we had been taught, what is to be right, to be wrong, to be embraced, to be banished, to be celebrated, or to be exiled. And then, we fall into the trap of mundane-ness. We begin to form patterns.

Patterns too close to our eyes that we do not see.

There is no right or wrong, just popular opinions.

There is no peace or chaos, just a structure we so carefully weave.

There is never too much or enough, just how much you want.

Sounds, voices and melodies, they are just one of the many tools to tell a story.

To tell a story, is to observe a pattern, so we can break it.

If you can’t get out of a hamster wheel, if you don’t know if you are in one. Pay attention to the monotony, feel one beat at a time, only when you align the beats in synergy, then you can hear them marching to you in unity.

What goes up comes down, what goes down will take flight.

Cringe your toes, and ride on the waves.

You can’t change what is there, but you can change what you think of it.

Patterns, break them.

.About Today.

We did sound recording today. At Washington Square Park.

My partner - Manuel (from Uruguay) brought me to see a really neat young gal, in her red polkadot dress, sat on a small tool along the streets near Union Square, where her little old, black typewriter and some white paper sat fitted nicely on a small wooden table.

She writes poems for people. A street poet. Just give her a topic, a word, a poem for someone you loved, or whatever thing that mean anything (or not) to you. She wants to write, she's hoping to get hired, and she just want to practice. I told her to write about, "Today". She has nice misty gray eyes.


About Today

Last of the dark gray days was yesterday
melting into a new groove
boiled out of the old
speaking a new sound
grasping at old straws
hands tied firmly to here and now
taking the form of a passing cloud

Anayvelyse
July 8, 2009
New York

.be kind, unwind.

Muaha.

Time. 

Finally i have a bit now. Just a little, mini, pint size break. 

Had been entirely devoured by work since I'm back from my mini holiday. Phoo. It's payback time from those guys to me going away. 

Bali was great. Oh wait, or was it awesome? >:)

Definitely I needed a holiday, and a holiday indeed. It was an impromptu decision to go on the trip. So whoever that was ready-gamed, caught the magic carpet ride. Pity it was on such short notice, if not more of some crazy jackass friends out there could have joined us there as well. (Yvonne, Hannah, BQ, Dickie and BRONZEE - till the next one aye? :)

As good as it was queer, there were some disruptive incidents schemed by the seeming Holiday-Destroyer of the higher force. 

Like getting stopped by traffic police for not wearing helmet, security barging in trying to throw some of us out of the hotel even thou' we were paying guests, getting stopped by the traffic police for not helmet again, picking up a dead rat by what's left of it - it's tail, in the morning thinkin it was fish remains I fed the cats in the villa, breaking my toe from kicking a chair in the hotel room, losing my air ticket, paid for a one way ticket home (and then finding the ticket when we got back home). Still, I'll reckon we could use some dash of spice for a regular retreat.

As witnessed, I had totally lost the last bit of sanguinity along this trip. Being zen is so last year. I think I was taking the chance to let go of the canned fumes and feuds I had myself contained in these past months at work. Snarling and barking like a rabid dog sure didn't look good, but it certainly felt darn good. 

Here's to great skies (featuring wicked clouds transformation from galloping unicorns to evil rabbits), breezy night bike rides (in Kimono/ Yakuza robes), nice big villa and its private icy pool, cheesy ultra-violet light disco-pubs along Legian Kuta, surfing-but-not-surfing at the sun-baking beach, great array of food (organic ones especially) and fond new memories. Revisiting Bali didn't make it lack lustre at all. 

Of course, what's one without the companionship of great friends? These are the people that make the holiday. So here's to D, W and T for being (so fuckin') spectacular. 

Not much pictures chronicled from this trip. Because we were so fuckin' busy having fun.

Here's a piece of our memories:

-Jumps-

Ouch.

Oh, that was reality.

.apples and oranges.

I don't like boys who ask for what a gal wants.

.mosaic music festival.

Atlas.

I'm wriggling into my blog again in attempt to "un-dormant" it. Before it goes into screen saver mode.

I've been warned not to be too lazy with updating my blog as a form of ungratefulness to some who has taken the effort to check back religiously everyday. (Thanks Bronzee. Tsk.) So I will keep sleep-writing.

Since I moved in to the new place, i've enjoyed chilling at home more than ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Listening to Stacey Kent while my fingers tapped on the keyboard, like it's a piano that I wished I had known how to play.

For 3 wkends I invited my homies over for some mashing-button good times on my very guests-welcoming home gadget - PS3. Makes me wonder my friends enjoy popping by to hangout with me or my PS3. I still love them anyway.

It was a good week. Mosaic Music Festival came and gone. A great music fiesta I've painfully waited a year for. Caught some really good gigs - PSAPP, Of Montreal, Battles, Cinematic Orchestra, Skye (vocalist of Morcheeba) and Melanie Pain (Nouvelle Vague). 

I have to say Skye n Psapp were my fav gigs. Psapp playing a lovable genre of "toytronica" slapping plastic fish onto the mic, winding old clocks and toys, and squeezing a squeaking plastic chicken is definitely my kind of thing. Yea really. Skye, needless to say. She fell from the sky and brought Morcheeba closer to my ear and heart. Very endearing performers, 2 of them. Oh not forgetting how divinely butterscotch sweet Melanie Pain's voice can be. Lazy, sexy, soft-porn kinda voice. Like sizzling cotton candy crystals on a buttery hot plate.

Of Montreal n Battles were rather entertaining in their own quirky way too. Totally eccentric bunch of dudes. It would have been better if UVA came along with Battles to do a live set. I would just get a mind cramp on site. The music scene here needs to know that it's wayyyyyyyyy about time to bring in audio visual installations as part of their music bonanza. Visual stimulation is not just a perk. It's essential. 

Now that I've taken a back seat chilling out more than I have my ass boogie-ing at night joints, this music festival has nicely quenched my insatiable thirst for great tunes - in a slow, groovy way. I'm happy. 

Music is my soul food.

Keep feeding me.

Here's a lovable one by Psapp. ;)

.unheard, still.

This was 16 years ago, at the United Nations Conference on Environment and Development, also known as the Rio Summit, Earth Summit (or, in Portuguese, Eco '92), a major conference held in Rio de Janeiro from June 3 to June 14, 1992. the UN international Environmental Conference. 

Did anybody listen?
Mario Profaca

I guess not.

.dusty dust.

I'm back.

Left this space deserted for awhile coz I had no time to spend infront of a computer during my 17 days venture in india. Wanted to stay off tec-no-lo-gy for awhile. And was too lazy to be writing too.

Now im back to reality, let me recollect my thoughts and share my long yearned trip to Goa in abit. Right now, i gotta have some food.

Good thing i don't have to go back to work tomorrow.

Damn i want to be a full time traveller.

One who can afford to be.

.stale.

I'm feeling queasy about my imminent holiday.

Work had been hell and the only look forward to is to getaway. Now it seems like it's just one more thing to worry about.

I'm going India. A land of chaos as it already is, more so now with the multiple attacks. I would be less afraid if they were going for the government - as always. Now that they are preying on us - the tourists. 

One of ours got shot the day she checked in at the hotel - when she was supposed to be there just for a night, going back home the next day. Blame it on the bad luck, blame it on the terrorists, blame it on her boss who made her go for that stupid conference, but blame no one when it has already happened and change is not an option.

Blame it on choices. 

Chaos is always a good mix in life - especially coming from a urban city spoilt brat like myself. I'm almost driven mad with systems and structure, that i am beginning to embrace disruptions. Break the pattern and see how people go mad. Rearrange the sequence and see people lose their way. I seem to have a streak of luck of losing mine. Picking up faith again along the way i lose them.

I'm not sure if I am unexcited about the trip because of the multiple signs dropped to dishearten or create fear, or just that I am losing enthusiasm in plans that would fly. As proven again, the best plan to have is to have no plans.

No expectations allow room for surprises.

I have a huge ass warehouse for it now. Please. Bring it on if you may.

.tick tock tick.

Time.

I feel i'm lacking of.

Sometimes I feel i have the luxury of it, but it's only after i lose it.

Everything i do now, must have a value. People i meet, too. It's either we have value-added conversations or even if to have nonsensical ones, they must be packed with good laughs. Though that can be rare.

Laugh is a good therapy. More expensive than going to a shrink.

I'm too tired for unnecessities. Too lazy for mindless debates.

Time is an investment. Amusement is a time-out.

It has got to be this,

or that.

.stars.

Stumbled upon this old, random thought scribble while i was tryin to search for a song by STARS.

Reminds me of something i've forgotten to do lately... 

Here's the song I was trying to find. It's a beautiful song. I'm waiting to see them in town on 7th Jan coming '09.

.tokyo raider.

Just got back from Tokyo. 

It was a breather. A break needed, a break indeed. 

I shall not mention that the relieve was stunted again the moment i landed back home, for some nasty news i had received along my short ride home. It's not life threatening, but it sure is like a jab to my almost rested mind. 

Though, that aside, i shall not let it tarnish the fact that it was a good trip i had in tokyo land. It is probably my 4th or 5th time there, each time hosting the irresistible agenda of ripping my pocket for the omnipresent shopping list of forgotten items. 

I was to be there for the Tokyo Game Show 2008. A family-business summon to take a peek on the preview of imminent and ever-changing gaming trends. Not my personal interest for sure. But it was still good to be there - immersing in the blasting, overlapping sound and music from hundreds of game-televisions where thousands game titles played at the same time. Not forgetting to mention some wacky Cosplay talents struggling in their oversized head and boots, and a convention filled hot "kawaii" babes posing around like race queens for the eager men to beautify their photo albums with. 

Food is great, period. I had warned myself to keep to MacDonald's and vending machine foods if i want to save more money for other imminent trips or facial packages if I wanted any. But the glutton lost the perennial war yet again. 

Didn't manage to get to the infamous Freak Town - where freaks hang out. Yoyogi park is the place where a freak themed park has free entry entitlement. I had a major party the night before so i slept till late on the only day where they cluster for a ultimate clashing, freakfashion big bang. Yea, big bang every sunday.

Talking about the party. I need to be a total schmuck at this point. Count my lucky stars, we happened to be there when Diesel xXx Party TOKYO - was happening right there right then that weekend. Madness i tell ya. 3 halls at Makuhari Messe convention hall. I think there were a good 20,000 crowd. Soulwax played a live set - and they totally blew my socks off. Fuck with the capital F awesome.

Was at Womb too. THE club to go in Tokyo.Was there for 2ManyDJ's. Who are the same guys from Soulwax, and played at Diesel XXX party the night before too. Got in late. 1 hour - made full use of it. Never too late to have fun. 

The club's interior, as opposed to my expectation, looks bare and nothing fancy - but, the people are lovely.  see the look on their face when they raise their arms in unison, their eyes squinting against the rhythmic lights and thumping their feet on the wooden flooring to sync into the heart-thumping beats. 

"Just me and my music" was that one line that beamed out from my head (or was it my heart i'm not sure) like those green laser text that gets projected out on the big big wall behind the DJ's deck. I can't be at more than a right place at this right time. I thought. The line continues to echo to the music. "Just me and my music...." 

Interestingly, there was this same wall banner at both the Diesel xXx party and at Womb, it wrote a line i couldn't stop gazing at as I stomped my 2 left feet to the happy music. "Part of the Weekend Never Dies" - it wrote. How apt. Like the effervescence pill in water, those prickly/ prickling worries started to sizzle away along with the blasting, semi-orgasmic music.

Love their super neon dancing city lights. 

Love a city that doesn't sleep. 

Love the luxury of seeing, hearing and tasting life.

Love Tokyo.

 

.postcard/ post thoughts.

A 50cents postcard I bought.

.lazy dazey.

I have been exploring quite abit of new music on last.fm, like pandora (which is not available to all regions anymore), its easy to use for idiots like me, informative (if u'd like to sample listen to even the most obscure genre of music), you'll be in for some music-education. By creating your own library, It just reminds you what kinda music you already like - with the influx of indie-everything, and also suggest stuffs u never knew you'd like. Makes music sharing easy too.

Hmm.

Damn. 

I'm so lazy to do anything. 

.heavy.

I had the same nightmare again.

It's the nightmare I can't wake up to. Can't breathe, can't call for help, desperately trying to find a voice or tiny squeal so that the person round the corner can know that i'm in distress. I know i'm dreaming, but I just can't wake up.. that is what's so scary. I consciously try to force my eyes open, but my lids drop down like iron fortress gates, disallowing me to exit. Sounds familiar? I know i'm not the only one, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Coz I am still alone in my dream.

Sometimes, i think that i'm going to die in my sleep. And i am not at all exaggerating. If you have seen Nightmare of the Elm street - Freddy the nightmare, he said something like, "If you die in your dreams, you die for real." And time after time, i felt like i've had a narrow escape each time I managed to force myself to wake up from a vicious dream like this. It's too real. I felt the short of air and the unexplainable body ache after the escape, and the body being pinned down like I was on the sacrifice table. I felt like I've been trapped in a zone that I know is not real, yet I can't get out of it. And each time I did, someone in the dream would demonically whisper into my ear, "Till then..."

I had never undermined the mystic powers of dreaming. It has discreet meanings, usually trying to tell you something. It is akin a mini stage performance - the story line gathers itself from the disarrangement within your deranged little mind. Like it is joining the dots for you. It gives you a mental play back to your current state of mind, to a forecast of what you should be wary about, all in its utmost attempt to make you understand, what you don't. 

They come in varied symbols, significantly noticeable or not, they often mean something.  Try interpreting your dream next time, and link up the dots to see if they all make sense to your current state of mind and reality. You might be surprised. Go to Dream moods to retrieve a quick interpretation when you search within it's dream-dictionary, whenever you wake up with a distinctive subject from your dream the night before. Map and connect the symbols on your own - you might realized that you will be drawing more parallel relevances than you think you would.

Let's talk about "natural death". How else do you explain cases of people who just died mysteriously in their sleep? When they are mostly well and healthy with no clues and signs that their time was up? Science can give all sorts of explaination (to keep us sane and calm), but I somehow  believe that it was their dreams who took them away.

If you are sniggering at this point, you know what? To hell with you. It's fucking real. I just know it. And as much as I love dreaming, I am so fucking afraid of them. I am not trying to play gypsy here, just conveying my fear. And to keep me sane, I tend to study them.

It's not a dream. It's another dimension. 

.feed me.

Music is my soul food. Can't imagine a day without it.

It speaks to you like someone has already put your feelings and thoughts into tunes. And all you need to do, is to agree.

It actually heals.

Just another night of walking to my car from the sweatshop. 

Just another night.

.lay back.

Nothing beats an afternoon beer.

Got myself a kilkenny (n half a glass of Hazel's unfinished Erdinger). Something about drinking beer in the afternoon. Something more.

Cheers to simple pleasure.