.dusty dust.

I'm back.

Left this space deserted for awhile coz I had no time to spend infront of a computer during my 17 days venture in india. Wanted to stay off tec-no-lo-gy for awhile. And was too lazy to be writing too.

Now im back to reality, let me recollect my thoughts and share my long yearned trip to Goa in abit. Right now, i gotta have some food.

Good thing i don't have to go back to work tomorrow.

Damn i want to be a full time traveller.

One who can afford to be.

.stale.

I'm feeling queasy about my imminent holiday.

Work had been hell and the only look forward to is to getaway. Now it seems like it's just one more thing to worry about.

I'm going India. A land of chaos as it already is, more so now with the multiple attacks. I would be less afraid if they were going for the government - as always. Now that they are preying on us - the tourists. 

One of ours got shot the day she checked in at the hotel - when she was supposed to be there just for a night, going back home the next day. Blame it on the bad luck, blame it on the terrorists, blame it on her boss who made her go for that stupid conference, but blame no one when it has already happened and change is not an option.

Blame it on choices. 

Chaos is always a good mix in life - especially coming from a urban city spoilt brat like myself. I'm almost driven mad with systems and structure, that i am beginning to embrace disruptions. Break the pattern and see how people go mad. Rearrange the sequence and see people lose their way. I seem to have a streak of luck of losing mine. Picking up faith again along the way i lose them.

I'm not sure if I am unexcited about the trip because of the multiple signs dropped to dishearten or create fear, or just that I am losing enthusiasm in plans that would fly. As proven again, the best plan to have is to have no plans.

No expectations allow room for surprises.

I have a huge ass warehouse for it now. Please. Bring it on if you may.

WE SEE MUSIC #Trentemoller - Miss You

Nice tunes. 

Feel it.

Courtesy of Fiona. :)

.tick tock tick.

Time.

I feel i'm lacking of.

Sometimes I feel i have the luxury of it, but it's only after i lose it.

Everything i do now, must have a value. People i meet, too. It's either we have value-added conversations or even if to have nonsensical ones, they must be packed with good laughs. Though that can be rare.

Laugh is a good therapy. More expensive than going to a shrink.

I'm too tired for unnecessities. Too lazy for mindless debates.

Time is an investment. Amusement is a time-out.

It has got to be this,

or that.

.too many love stories.

Here's one not.

Quotes that are here to stay (in my mind) from Schindler's List :


Amon Goeth: Today is history. Today will be remembered. Years from now the young will ask with wonder about this day. Today is history and you are part of it. Six hundred years ago when elsewhere they were footing the blame for the Black Death, Casimir the Great - so called - told the Jews they could come to Krakow. They came. They trundled their belongings into the city. They settled. They took hold. They prospered in business, science, education, the arts. With nothing they came and with nothing they flourished. For six centuries there has been a Jewish Krakow. By this evening those six centuries will be a rumor. They never happened. Today is history.

-----

Helen Hirsch: The more you see of the Herr Kommandant the more you see there are no set rules you can live by, you cannot say to yourself, "If I follow these rules, I will be safe."

-----

Amon Goeth: This is very cruel, Oskar. You're giving them hope. You shouldn't do that. -That's- cruel!

-----

Oskar Schindler: Power is when we have every justification to kill, and we don't.
-----

Oskar Schindler: This car. Goeth would have bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people right there. Ten people. Ten more people. This pin. Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would have given me two for it, at least one. One more person. A person, Stern. For this. I could have gotten one more person... and I didn't!

-----

Itzhak Stern: It's Hebrew, it's from the Talmud. It says, "Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire."

-----

Been awhile since my face got wet from a movie. It just reminded me to feel again. And that there's more to life than just mine.

.stars.

Stumbled upon this old, random thought scribble while i was tryin to search for a song by STARS.

Reminds me of something i've forgotten to do lately... 

Here's the song I was trying to find. It's a beautiful song. I'm waiting to see them in town on 7th Jan coming '09.

.heavy.

I had the same nightmare again.

It's the nightmare I can't wake up to. Can't breathe, can't call for help, desperately trying to find a voice or tiny squeal so that the person round the corner can know that i'm in distress. I know i'm dreaming, but I just can't wake up.. that is what's so scary. I consciously try to force my eyes open, but my lids drop down like iron fortress gates, disallowing me to exit. Sounds familiar? I know i'm not the only one, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Coz I am still alone in my dream.

Sometimes, i think that i'm going to die in my sleep. And i am not at all exaggerating. If you have seen Nightmare of the Elm street - Freddy the nightmare, he said something like, "If you die in your dreams, you die for real." And time after time, i felt like i've had a narrow escape each time I managed to force myself to wake up from a vicious dream like this. It's too real. I felt the short of air and the unexplainable body ache after the escape, and the body being pinned down like I was on the sacrifice table. I felt like I've been trapped in a zone that I know is not real, yet I can't get out of it. And each time I did, someone in the dream would demonically whisper into my ear, "Till then..."

I had never undermined the mystic powers of dreaming. It has discreet meanings, usually trying to tell you something. It is akin a mini stage performance - the story line gathers itself from the disarrangement within your deranged little mind. Like it is joining the dots for you. It gives you a mental play back to your current state of mind, to a forecast of what you should be wary about, all in its utmost attempt to make you understand, what you don't. 

They come in varied symbols, significantly noticeable or not, they often mean something.  Try interpreting your dream next time, and link up the dots to see if they all make sense to your current state of mind and reality. You might be surprised. Go to Dream moods to retrieve a quick interpretation when you search within it's dream-dictionary, whenever you wake up with a distinctive subject from your dream the night before. Map and connect the symbols on your own - you might realized that you will be drawing more parallel relevances than you think you would.

Let's talk about "natural death". How else do you explain cases of people who just died mysteriously in their sleep? When they are mostly well and healthy with no clues and signs that their time was up? Science can give all sorts of explaination (to keep us sane and calm), but I somehow  believe that it was their dreams who took them away.

If you are sniggering at this point, you know what? To hell with you. It's fucking real. I just know it. And as much as I love dreaming, I am so fucking afraid of them. I am not trying to play gypsy here, just conveying my fear. And to keep me sane, I tend to study them.

It's not a dream. It's another dimension. 

.feed me.

Music is my soul food. Can't imagine a day without it.

It speaks to you like someone has already put your feelings and thoughts into tunes. And all you need to do, is to agree.

It actually heals.

.half life.

It's eating you away and some will never know it's taste

Biting off more than you can chew again
You're just a child
And all you know is
That it's sweetness brings you
Close to tears
Each time you can't resist
And some will never know it's taste

You're flying high
Oblivious to what it does
It's eating you away
And it moves much faster
Than you can view
It's eating you away
And some will never know it's taste

- By Pale Saints.

.Hide me.

Love this song. Its a happy neo-garden song. 

At least that's what i see. 

Or saw. :)

 

.insomnia.

There’s a light bulb dangling from string
It’s slowly swaying up over my head now
As I jot down the words that’ll never be sung
And wait for my headache to numb
And the wind sounds as if the world’s sighing
And the moon’s just a torn fingernail
As the TV flickers and hums by the wall
And I wait for my eyesight to fade

So, So, So
It’s so damn slow
So, So, So
It’s so damn slow

And the bright-eyed choke on ambition
And the old folks circle their graves
And the young ones are busy destroying their names
And you’re still just wasting away.
I sit and watch the screen for a message
Some kinda sign that says we’re OK
But the screen stays blank till I turn the thing off
And wait for my conscience to break.

So, So, So
It’s so damn slow
So, So, So
It’s so damn slow

I hope you’re learning to listen
And I hope you’re learning to stay
And I hope you find what you’re missing
And I hope that you’re making you’re way
I’m a headcase if I don’t keep moving
And my head hurts if I don’t sit still
It’s an itch that I’ll never stop scratching
It’s a hole that I’ll never quite fill

So.